You know that feeling when someone invites you to “get drinks” and you’re totally clueless as to whether you’ll be heading to a gastropub with sticky floors or some wine bar where folks are wearing jewelry?
That’s basically every social invite in Britain condensed into one anxiety-provoking phrase. For years, I spent my early twenties alternating between being ridiculously over-dressed for casual drinks and dressing like I’d stumbled in off the street once “dinner” ended up being somewhere with tablecloths.
Things went from confusing to downright frustrating after I moved to Portland and began to earn a graphic designer’s salary ; meaning I didn’t have unlimited funds to buy an outfit for each possible scenario. So, I had to think strategically regarding this stuff, particularly since British friends visiting from back home would frequently suggest meeting somewhere that could potentially be anything from a Wetherspoons to that trendy new joint that charges $15 for little plates.
This was a lesson learned the hard way, obviously. About three years ago I ran into my university friend Emma. She invited me to join her friends from London for “drinks and maybe a snack.” I arrived in jeans and a fairly decent-looking top assuming we would be at a relatively low-key spot. Little did I know, “drinks and a snack” translated to cocktails at a trendy spot in the Pearl District followed by dinner at a restaurant with a waiter who lectured us on locally-sourced ingredients. I spent the rest of the evening certain that everyone assumed I was Emma’s friend who didn’t have money to buy proper clothes … which… admittedly wasn’t far off, but still.
At that point, I became fixated on figuring out the code of the British social situation. That is, when someone invites you to “do drinks,” it literally could be ANYTHING. Pub drinks. Drinks at a wine bar. Drinks that morph into dinner that morphs into people suggesting we go dancing. The invitation tells you absolutely nothing about dress-code, venue, etc.
After way too many outfit emergencies and too many late-night trips to Target for emergency wardrobe purchases, I eventually developed what I refer to as my fool-proof British Evening Uniform. This uniform is essentially one outfit that will work regardless of whether you end up at a pub trivia night or at that hipster hangout that serves teeny-tiny veggies atop ginormous plates.
First piece of the uniform is always dark-washed jeans – not black, which may come across as too casual; not light wash, which screams “tourist American.” I’m talking about those perfectly good dark indigo jeans that look almost like pants if you squint. Mine came from a Levi’s outlet for around $40 (after months of stalking them for sales) and have been the base of virtually every evening out since. They are dressy enough for most restaurants, yet won’t make you look like a total dork if you wind up at some dive with peanut shells on the floor.
Now, the shirt is where things get sketchy – and I’ve managed to screw this up every way imaginable. If you go too casual and you’ll look like you’re stuck in the Stone Age when someone starts mentioning wine pairings. Too fancy and you’ll be that gal sipping pints in what’s clearly a cocktail dress. After experimenting with various options, I landed on this black silky blouse from COS that I purchased in their post-season clearance sale. To justify spending what I normally do on tops, I calculated cost-per-use and, after two years of using it nonstop, my cost-per-use rate dropped below reasonable levels.
But here’s the genius – it’s layering. I always have a jacket ready – but not one of those super-formal ones that scream “I’m going to present on PowerPoint.” Instead, my favorite is this slouchy black number from & Other Stories (another sale find!). Slouchy jackets instantly give jeans the appearance of intent AND make them suitable for dinner; conversely, you can easily remove the jacket if you end up somewhere more laid-back.
Shoes were probably the toughest component of this equation. In Britain, heels are awful for evening gatherings due to the unpredictability of your walk ; will you be strolling somewhere? Standing on questionable pub floors? Climbing stairs to some dingy underground bar? Trainers look too relaxed for dinner. However, after scouring online for ages, I finally found these black ankle boots with a very short heel that seem to fit into EVERY category — comfortable enough for walks; polished enough for restaurants; and the type of footwear that simply looks okay with dark jeans.
Accessories allow you to tweak the overall aesthetic of an outfit without swapping clothes altogether. My go-to accessories include this minimalist gold chain and small studs ; they add just enough polish for upscale dining establishments but wouldn’t stick out in a pub environment. Finding the optimal handbag was also a major ordeal. While cross-body bags appear too informal for nicer restaurants, clutches aren’t practical for bar-hopping. Ultimately, I wound up purchasing this black leather purse with an adjustable strap — I can wear it as a cross-body bag OR tuck the strap inside to carry it as a clutch. More expensive than I cared to spend, but another example of my using cost-per-wear calculations to rationalize overspending.
However, last month provided the ultimate test of my uniform. A group of friends from London were coming into town. As expected, the invitation was similarly ambiguous ; “a drink or two after work … nothing too special but somewhere nice.” Another classic British social invitation providing zero useful info regarding location or planned activities. I wore my standard uniform — jeans, blouse, blazer, boots, convertible bag.
We started at a wine bar that was decidedly more upscale (exposed brick walls, waitstaff knowledgeable about tannin levels, mini-plates with microgreens.) Next, we moved to a local gastropub for “real food” and ended up remaining there for hours consuming pints and sharing fish ‘n’ chips. We ultimately closed out the night at a local watering hole where we spent our final hour playing pool until closing time. We visited THREE completely disparate venues with completely different atmospheres … and I looked like I belonged in all of them.
What I have learned is that the secret is not finding garments that will perfectly suit every particular locale ; it is finding items that are acceptable anywhere. My outfit isn’t the most fashionable attire to be seen in an upscale restaurant, nor is it the most relaxed attire for a pub crawl — however, it fits within both parameters without anyone giving me the side-eye for misinterpreting the occasion.
Another important factor in achieving success with this strategy is preparing mentally ahead of time. Prior to leaving for any potential British social event, I always mentally prepare myself with knowledge of nearby shopping areas in case things go badly (such as when someone’s “casual dinner” ends up being their wedding reception.) Additionally, I keep a small makeup kit with lip gloss and concealer in my bag since pub lighting tends to be more lenient than restaurant lighting.
Lastly, there are times when you will have to throw caution to the wind and choose your outfit based solely on intuition ; although, ideally, you should be able to anticipate at least some aspect of your evening prior to arriving. At any rate, my formula has worked well for nearly all of my British friends who experienced similar social anxiety-related issues.
Ultimately, investment in a handful of extremely versatile pieces is preferable to attempting to purchase outfits specifically tailored to individual events. When budget constraints are involved, versatility becomes paramount. These jeans should be able to accommodate everything from date nights to work functions to family dinners.
As such, this has granted me uncharacteristic confidence when attending British social events. With regard to those maddeningly vague social invitations ("Let's grab drinks"), I no longer freak out. Rather, I simply put on my uniform and assume I will be sufficiently attired regardless of whatever activity transpires.
Additionally, this has liberated sufficient mental bandwidth previously devoted toward fretting over whether or not I would be properly dressed.
A couple weeks ago, my coworker suggested we "get a drink after work" which ultimately devolved into dinner at some brand-new eatery, followed by three separate bars, culminating in 1AM karaoke. The exact same outfit served as adequately dressed attire for ALL of them. I was able to enjoy myself throughout the numerous changes in locales without being preoccupied with constant reassessment of what I was wearing.
That is sort of the crux of British social norms – intentionally being vague when discussing plans (due to an aversion towards appearing overly formal/assuming) leads to this odd paradoxical phenomenon whereby attendees need to anticipate ANY possibility (and simultaneously NOT appear as though they are anticipating any possibilities).
My foolproof evening uniform has thus eliminated much of this confusion. It has become my default setting whenever an invitation contains phrases such as “drinks,” “dinner,” “night out,” or “see what happens.”
The individual elements work together, individually work well (if needed), and require only slight modifications to elevate/diminish formality depending upon circumstances — and have successfully navigated countless British social scenarios without embarrassing myself.
Admittedly, I still manage to mess up occasionally – showed up at what appeared to be a casual birthday bash only to realize everyone else was dressed-up party-style. Nonetheless, generally speaking, my formula succeeds. It has eliminated my outfit-related anxiety (and attendant wardrobe emergencies), reduced embarrassment resulting from gross miscalculation regarding attire choices, and enabled me to respond affirmatively to social invitations without excessive concern about what I am wearing.
Anyway — that is my answer to solving the eternal enigma known as “the great British 'drinks' or 'dinner' invitation riddle.” Dark jeans + nice top + blazer + ankle boots + convertible bag = acceptably dressed attire for pub trivia nights AND hipster restaurants alike … and likely neither the most dressed-up nor under-dressed attendee at either event.
